Good news everyone. We can now cure racist babies of their racism.

The typical white baby is a born racist, just like this one here for example.
The typical white baby.
Or this one. Why are we so horrible?
Another typical white baby.

It seems that babies tend to express a preference for people who are of the same race as them. I would have assumed that seeing as babies are too young to actually think things through, that this behaviour would be the result of a hardwired, biological instinct. However, it turns out I was wrong. Those babies were actually thinking quite clearly, and were deliberately being racist, just for the sake of being evil. Luckily enough, science has found a way to cure them of their evil, and completely unnatural tendency towards racial bias.

From Yahoo News

As early as three months old, children can show racial bias towards women who are the same race as themselves.

My goodness, three months old you say? They’re only out of the womb three months, and already they’re planning to re-enslave the blacks, and commit a second holocaust, as evident by their bias towards women of the same race as the woman they know and trust best of all… their own mother. This is horribly distressing.

University of Delaware scientists claim to have found a technique which can reverse this unconscious bias.

Hmm I wonder which technique they use this time?

The Clockwork Orange method...
The Clockwork Orange method…
...Or the 1984 method?
…Or the 1984 method?
Nope, neither this time. Apparently this is the device they use instead. Looks almost as terrifying though.
Nope, neither this time. Apparently this is the device they use instead. Looks almost as terrifying though.

Paul Quinn of the University of Delaware found that, by nine months old, infants were less able to identify individuals of different races.

But he found that a simple exercise where infants were taught to identify faces with names could help to ‘reverse’ the trend.

“Little white racist baby, this is Tyrone”


“Tyrone is exactly the same as you, except evil people who look like yourself, oppress people who look like him for no reason. It is your sworn duty to feel ashamed of yourself forever because of the behaviour of people who look like you towards people who look like him. If you don’t feel that shame, you are a horrible person. Well, you’re already a horrible person, but in that situation, you would be even more horrible. Anyway, remember Tyrone’s face, and always remember that he is a victim, and therefore deserves more in life than you do”

‘Might these perceptual biases we see in infants be related to the social biases that we see in older kids, beginning at three or four years of age, and adults?,’ Quinn writes.


‘And if they are, can we use a technique to reduce bias?

“The natural order is evil. We need to reprogram these children so they’ll fit into our ‘Brave New World’. oh btw, we’ve always been at war with Eastasia.”

‘As we tried to answer this question, we hit on the idea that if the perceptual and social biases are linked, we might be able to reduce the social bias by perceptual means.’

“Natural instincts are wrong. People need to think exactly the way we tell them to think. That will make society much better. And if they don’t start thinking the way we want them to…”



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